Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Just Keep Smiling


Just keep smiling girls...and totally disregard the fact that your sister is screaming bloody murder. We need to get a cute shot of you in the snow, damn it!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Excused Absence

Dave and I are what you might call non practicing Catholics. There was a time when we did attend church regularly, but as we had more and more children, we went less and less frequently. The recent Christmas Eve mass just illustrates why we have been absent in church for the past several years. Even with my parents and brother to help out, it was quite the experience.

Several minutes into a very crowded service, Alexa decided to take a dump. With at least an hour of church left, Dave had no other option but to fight his way through the crowded pew, through the hordes at the back of the church, into the freezing parking lot to change a stinky diaper. And, if you know my children, it doesn't take a lot space for them to get injured. A little while later, Ricky pokes me and with a look of alarm informs me that Alison is bleeding. Yes, she has managed to somehow scratch her cheek in the 1 foot x 1 foot space between pews and neighboring parishioners. As I scramble to find something to staunch the blood, the nativity play starts. I'm relieved because hopefully it will hold everyone's attention for a bit. It does, but Alison is very concerned that someone is going to DIE in this play, and says so very, very loudly. And much like anything they are bored with, like long car rides and grown up conversations, Alison asks several times in a loud voice, "Is this almost over? Can we go home now? I'm bored!"

Hopefully, in a few years, we can make a return to church, but I think for now we'll have to be absent. (And I think Father Matthew would thank us for that!)

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Where's Waldo?

As the parent of three children, you soon realize that the last child often gets the very short end of the stick. As an example, Amanda has at least half a dozen photo albums that contain only pictures of her, Alison has maybe one or two, Alexa...we've yet to send those pictures to Costco to be printed.

Today, we were in a real rush to make it to our halau potluck on time. We had run to the grocery store and then to Mc Donalds to pick up lunch. Dave and I rushed inside, each carrying armloads of bags. I started cooking for the potluck and Dave set the girls at the table to eat when he looked at me and asked, "Where's Alexa?" I thought he was joking. Unfortunately, he was not. We had left her strapped in her carseat in the driveway. Now, before you call CPS, she was only there for a couple minutes, tops. But still, it's a sad commentary on the life of the youngest child.

On the bright side, when she goes through her teenage rebellion, we will be too weary and jaded by the older two to give her much of a fight. Go ahead, Alexa, get that tattoo.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Deal Breaker

At the ripe old age of 3, Alison has now had two "boyfriends". The first was a cute little guy named Alex who was super shy but for some reason took a shining to my little social butterfly. Today as we were leaving school, though, Alison called out to a different little lad, "bye-bye Braeden!" His reply, "bye-bye Alison, I love you!" When I asked Alison what had happened to the other love of her life, Alex, she responded, "He picks his nose." Apparently, that is a big deal breaker in preschool.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Mommy's Law

I'm sure most of you are familiar with Murphy's Law, the adage that "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong." If you don't have children, you might be less familiar with the somewhat similar Mommy's Law.

Some examples of Mommy's Law:

Late for an appointment, mommy rushes to get her children ready to go. With only seconds to spare, she rounds everyone up and herds them towards the door. Victorious! But then she picks up the baby, and an unmistakable smell wafts from the diaper that's too odorifous to ignore. Crap. Late again.

In a spurt of unusual energy, mommy cleans everyone's room and changes the sheets on all the beds. A few hours later at naptime, someone has a pee pee accident and the sheets that have never been slept in are ripped off and thrown in the wash.

Mommy decides to wear a nice black shirt out in public. Looking down a long while later, she notices that there is a trail of snot slime along her shoulder and arm where someone has decided to use as a kleenex.

Yes, these are all true examples of Mommy's Law, and yes, they have all happened to me...today.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Classic Conditioning

Dave and I have tried to no avail to motivate the girls to pick up after themselves. We've tried rewarding them, bribing them, and of course threatening them. As a last resort, Dave has turned to the dreaded "black trash bag" method. After countless warnings, Dave swoops into a room with the evil bag and tosses anything and everything left out into the bag. The girls scream, cry, and clutch at the bag, promising to finally clean up.

It appears, our youngest, Alexa, has learned the lesson well. Much like Pavlov's dogs came at the ringing of a bell, when Dave opened the dreaded black bag tonight, she came screaming and clutching at the bag. Tonight, however, was garbage night, and the only things to be saved were a bunch of poopy diapers and moldy leftovers. Maybe Alexa has learned her lesson a little too well.