Santa Claus Is Coming to Town

When I was little, starting right after Thanksgiving, my parents would begin threatening us that if we weren't good Santa would leave us a lump of coal in our stocking. One year, probably just as I was beginning to question the logic of a big, magic, man traversing the globe in one night, I actually DID get a lump of real coal in my stocking. My parents probably did this to scare me into believing for the benefit of my younger siblings. To this day, I am still traumatized and shamed by that morning when I reached into my stocking and pulled out my sooty hand filled with charcoal from our BBQ.

Now that I have kids, I find myself making those same threats, "Santa's watching you!", "If you're not good, you might find a lump of coal in your stocking!" Today, while shopping at Target I found this:

Coal shaped bubble gum! I actually bought a sack. I plan on giving it to all three girls in their Advent calendar on a particularly naughty day. Hopefully, being gum, it won't traumatize them as much as actual coal but will have the same scared straight effect. I suppose, if it does traumatize them, they can just add it to my bill for their adult therapy.

It's Getting To Look A Lot Like Christmas

It's that time of year again...the no man's land between Halloween and Christmas. Somehow, Thanksgiving has gotten bumped by all the retail craziness. Today in Target, as I picked through the 50% off Halloween merchandise, workers were frantically setting up the Christmas aisles.

For me, Ms. Anal Retentive, this means planning out our annual Christmas card. With relatives scattered throughout the country and all over the world, this is the only time I am able to depict a presentable portrait of our family. Since many of our family pictures turn out like this:


I plan our Christmas card portrait far in advance. This year I ordered their matching dresses in January and have my eye on several designs at Shutterfly. I like that I can post several pictures on one card (so all three girls get their close up!) and their designs are modern and not cheesy (like my children). I might even go all out and get matching address labels! So look out people, your card will be in the mail soon!

All You Need is a Smile

Every Friday is sharing day at Alison's preschool. Today we forgot to bring something to share. Not to be deterred from sharing, Alison announced at circle time that she had forgotten her share item, but that it was ok because she would just share her smile!

Everyone's a Critic

Dave and I enjoy eating out and for me, part of the fun is researching the restaurants where we're going to eat. I'll check Zagat, Yelp, Chowhound, and Michelin among others to read reviews and peruse menus. A good restaurant for me, needs to have not only good food, but a pleasant atmosphere and consistent customer service.

The other night we made the mistake of asking the girls what kind of food they wanted to have for dinner. Apparently, food, atmosphere, and customer service were all pretty low on their list of criteria for a good restaurant. In fact, they really didn't care about any of those. Their only demand was unfortunately that the establishment have crayons and a coloring sheet. Heaven help all the Gary Danko's and Chez Panisse's of the world, because if my kids get a yelp account...they're going down! No crayons = zero stars!

One Person's Pest is Another Person's Pet

Almost a year a go we joined a meat CSA and a produce CSA. While there are many, many benefits to eating organic there are a few drawbacks. This season the sweet white corn from Full Belly Farm has been plagued by earworms. When we brought our box home today, Dave took the corn into the garage to break off the worm ridden tips and throw them away. Alison happened to be watching and was horrified when she saw the first little worm being thrown into the trash.

Needless to say we now have two new pets (aka. pests). "John" and "Violet" have now taken up residence on my kitchen counter in an old fishbowl accompanied by their corn tips. I guess there should be a saying, "One person's pest is another person's pet."

Soul Mates

This year, Alison started a new school and her primary concern was not the new teachers, new students, or unfamiliar building...it was that she would not have a boyfriend. Today I picked her up and asked her if anything exciting had happened.

"Yes, mom, I found a boyfriend!"

"You did? How did you find him?"

"I just walked up to him and asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend, and he nodded his head yes."

"What's his name?"

"Oh, I don't know his name."

So, apparently, when finding a soul mate names are not necessary. I only hope that poor boy knows what he was getting into when he nodded his head yes!

Fabulosity

You're HOW Old?!?!

I stopped by Amanda's school at lunchtime today to sign up for some of our required parent hours. When Amanda got home, she told me that all the kids at her lunch table remarked on how much we looked alike. One smart-a** kid apparently agreed with the exception that I looked like a much, much old, old, old, old, OLDER version of Amanda.

He's right...but could we please remove at least one of the "olds" please? The truth hurts!

The Amazing Houdini

Last night after dinner at our favorite Mexican place, Dave picked up Alexa. To our surprise, although her pants were still on, her diaper was hanging around her ankles! Not sure how she managed to do that. I'm just relieved it was empty!!

Surfer Girl

In Pismo Beach last weekend, Alison really enjoyed watching the surfers. On the pier, looking down on them catching waves, she said "Mom, I really want to be a surfer girl when I grow up...but first I think I need to learn how to swim."

Yes, that would probably be a good idea!

Beautiful Girl

A little marker and, viola! ... instant beautification!

Blind Ambition

The other day while visiting my parents, my dad asked the girls what they wanted to be when they grew up.

Their response?

Amanda wants to be a dancer or a doctor.

Alison wants to be a squirrel.

A Day in the Life...

Today I had both little Chus at home with me and as usual, we spent most of our day running errands. After getting gas and buying our neighborhood pool pass, we stopped at JoAnn Fabric to buy material for Amanda's Pocahontas oral report. I had prepared for this journey by packing my purse full of snacks. Unfortunately, they had scarfed them down by the time we got to the cutting counter. With no more food to stuff in her mouth, Lex began to scream "out! OUT!" meaning she wanted out of the shopping cart. Thinking we were almost done, I let Alexa out. This was to be my downfall.

Two minutes later, she had tripped and fallen and hit her face against the corner of a metal shelf. The good news, she just barely missed her eye. The bad news, it was a bad cut, oozing blood and I wasn't sure if she would need stitches. So what is a good mom to do? Taking Kleenex from my purse, I staunch the flow of blood, while paying for my fabric and then head out to the parking lot to further assess the situation. Luckily, it didn't need stitches...but here is Lex after her losing battle with the shelf:

Disordered Eating

My little Lex is my tiniest peanut, and that's saying a lot since all three of my girls have just now barely made it onto the growth chart. Alexa, however, was actually characterized as "failure to thrive". This of course, made me feel like the world's worst mother. What was I doing wrong that my child was not growing? Was I not feeding her enough or the right things?

Eventually, we were sent to a pediatric nutritionist who gave us all sorts of helpful advice, like "add fat to whatever she eats". Uh, duh. I was already smearing her cheerios with cream cheese, adding Carnation instant breakfast to her milk, and letting her eat butter plain.

Now that's she's older and can express herself more clearly, I understand that in all probability, it had nothing to do with me. The kid just doesn't like to eat (unlike me, who lives for eating!) Case in point: at breakfast this morning she held the same bite of frittata in her mouth for, I kid you not, 30 minutes! Seriously, what am I supposed to do when she just holds it in her mouth forever? It would actually be easier if she just spit it out. Unfortunately, she was quite happy just sucking on the frittata like chewing tobacco and even posed for this fabulous pic.

How Best to Torture Your Child

Have you ever seen a pigostat device? If you have, I'm sorry. If not, I hope you never will. Today, unfortunately, I did have to see one and had to put my child in one. Alexa has had a lingering cough for weeks now and after antibiotics, inhalers, and a fever that lasted for over four days they decided to give her a chest x ray. Because toddlers tend to be stubborn, wiggly people they invented the pigostat...

Poor Lex was stripped, strapped, and stuck in this machine. It reminds me of some medieval torture device. If having pneumonia isn't bad enough...being stuck in this thing so they can diagnose it is.

Congratulations!....It's an Elephant!

Recently, my sister phoned with some very exciting news. I gathered Amanda and Alison to the phone where Annie proceeded to tell them that she had a baby in her tummy. She then asked the girls what they thought the baby would be. Amanda responded that she thought it would be another girl. Alison, however, was not about to be constrained by conventional (and scientific) reason. "Maybe it's a puppy, or a kitty, or an....ELEPHANT!!!!" Well, I hate to break it to you, kid, but your new cousin will probably be the same species as the rest of us. Regardless, though, we are super excited about the newest Puska. Congratulations!!!

Magical Moments

My little niece, Haley, is another crazy little peanut. Case in point:

My sister and brother in law recently took Haley for her first walk in the rain. Being the good mommy she is, Annie made sure Haley was prepared and dressed her in a rain jacket and rain boots. When they approached their first puddle, Annie excitedly explained to Haley that her jacket and boots were "magic" and that she could splash in the puddle without getting wet. Upon hearing this, Haley cautiously walked up to the puddle and crouched down to contemplate it. The next thing my sister and Matt knew, Haley had thrown herself face first, belly down, into the puddle.

Five minutes after their walk had begun, it was over. Annie and Matt carried a soaking wet Haley back and I'm sure Haley was thinking, "magic? yeah right, mom!"

My Name is Mud (aka M-O-M)

On her last report card, Amanda recieved all VGs, or Very Goods (the politically correct way to give an A in elementary school). To reward her, I purchased some cool chalkboard wall decals to put up in her room. While she was at school, I applied them and then lovingly wrote, "I love you -Mom" in one of the clouds.

When she got home, she was pretty excited about being able to write on her walls. She was not as excited about my little message, however. She asked if she could erase it and when I asked why she replied, "It's sooooo humiliating!" I asked her what was so humiliating about "I love you -Mom" and she clarified that by saying, "the MOM part, can I just erase the MOM part?". So here is a picture of her new wall decals....minus the humiliating MOM.

Southern Delicacies

Since Dave was born and raised in the deep South (Covington, LA and Selma, AL) he has eaten a variety of weird animal products. I believe some of those delicacies include gator and squirrel. So, when Alison got a new Leapster game about the new Disney princess Tiana she was super excited that she was able to "cook" daddy's favorite dish....Dumbo!

We were a little confused at first, knowing that elephants, specifically small, flying ones, are not typically eaten anywhere. Then we realized that she was referring to gumbo, a regional treat that does not involve eating any large mammals.

Alexa's First Haircut

"What hair?!" you might ask. I know, the poor kid has not been follically blessed. My mother firmly believes in old wives tales, however, and so we set off to get her hair trimmed in the hopes that it would grow back faster and thicker. Here are the pics of her first trim.

What are you doing lady?

I am SO not liking this.

This bow stinks.

It's My Birthday and I'll Cry if I Want To...

Alison is turning four tomorrow. She is having her first "real" birthday party with friends as opposed to family. The princesses, in full regalia, are set to arrive at 10am. Of course, this all may be moot due to the fact I was called to pick her up early from school since she barfed in the playhouse...

In preparation for her princess party, I went to the Disney store today and purchased an Aurora ball gown with matching "high heeled" shoes for her. When I got home, she saw the gigantic Disney bag and begged to see what was in it. When I told her it was for her birthday and that it had to be a surprise, she insisted that she would forget what was in it by tomorrow so it would still be a surprise. Well, that ploy didn't work, and now she is running around the house lamenting how much we hate her.

Yes, life is hard for a soon to be four year old.

That's My Name...

As I sit here typing this, my youngest is wailing "mama, mama, MAAA MAAA!" over and over and over again. I'm amazed it's actually registering in my brain. From the minute the girls wake up in the morning, until now as they resist going to sleep...it is the one word that is said a million, sometimes a trillion times each day. Sometimes it precedes a simple request like, "mom, where's breakfast?" other times a demand, "mom! wipe my bum!" (from my preschooler). The most infuriating is the times when they seem to say it just to say it, "mom?" and when I say "what?" there is no response. That tends to happen in cycles...mom? what? mom? what? mom? WHAT?!!! By the end of the day, after one of those cycles I tend to sing in my head..."that's my name, don't wear it out...that's my name, don't wear it out...that's my name, don't wear it out." The funny thing is, as weary as I get of hearing it I know that is really the most meaningful name I could ever be called.